Often, while meditating, I wonder if there is a such thing as successful meditation, and if there is, I then, while meditating, worry about how successful my meditation will be. I believe that this distracted thinking contributes to my lack of success when meditating….but to be sure, I better meditate on it.
Skills such as:
1. Being a Chihuahua’s Butler
2. Sitting at the computer facebooking in my sweatpants.
3. Drawing funny pictures with 5th graders.
4. Drawing funny pictures by myself.
5. Driving to the Bronx.
6. Eating less carbs
7. Sharpening a lot of pencils.
8. Getting ink stains out of kakis.
9. Eavesdropping on gossip at the coffee shop.
10. Occasionally shaving.
I got a new phone number with my new phone, and as it turns out, the party animal guy who had this phone number before me never told ANYONE that he changed is phone number, and so now I get all kinds of crazy texts and voicemail messages for him day and night. People texting to meet them at night clubs, women texting for booty calls, drunk voicemails from his posse of partying douchebags, and yesterday….yesterday was his birthday. All day and all night long, texts came in from crude, hedonistic people wishing this dude a happy fucking birthday, and there were quite a few voicemails from slutty drunk women SINGING happy birthday to him.
I am mad. I am frustrated……….and I have to say, more than a little bit jealous.
For those mornings when I’m running late, I am considering installing a zip line from my sixth floor bedroom window, down to the entrance to the subway station below.